I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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