Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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