I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
