I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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