In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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