please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
