we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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