Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
