i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
