Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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