and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
where are my eyebrows?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
