I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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