On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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