somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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