Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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