And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
