accomplished twins. life is a go
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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