There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
