DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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