listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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