I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
