He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
