so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
