do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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