im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
