Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
