That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
