"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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