she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What drink are we having for lunch?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
