This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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