I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
