your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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