My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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