My balls are so social today.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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