Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
