Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize