I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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