I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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