end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
