Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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