@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
