He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
