Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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