Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
