For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
