Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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