Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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