if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
