What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
