Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
